I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
