Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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