Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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