so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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