just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
