I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
