Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
