Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
