Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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