I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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