Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
