Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
