I think im going to throw up on grandma
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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