Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
