My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
