now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize