I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
