So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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