this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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