he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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