party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
