I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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