I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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