Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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