I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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