the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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