i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
