I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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