I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
