On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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