I CAN MOONWALK!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
