The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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