I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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