you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
