Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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