The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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