The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They took my balls.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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