I accidentally had phone sex last night
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
