they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
