So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
