yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize