I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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