I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
high people should be assigned attendants
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
