Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize