i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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