Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
