He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
