You just made me feel so damn special
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
