Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we made out on top of his cat.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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