If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize