Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
