I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
do herpes really smell.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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