I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
