tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
