Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
