well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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