My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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