I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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