They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
