well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
