Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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