Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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