my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
