love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I cut my penus on the lid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
