I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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