I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
