I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
only if we run a train.
done.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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